IT HAS BEEN TEN YEARS SINCE YOU HAVE PASSED AWAY, BUT FEELS LIKE IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY……(My mom passed away~~8-23-2003)
I still have days where I catch myself picking up the phone to call you……..then I remember I can’t.
I know YOU already know how much I enjoyed our nightly talks when you were still in the Hospital, before being taken to the Rehab/nursing facility, where you passed……
WE talked about Everything, even you sharing with me how you managed as a young adult to leave home at an early age, because there were So many siblings to care for. We talked a lot about how you raised your own children the ONLY way you knew how, and it meant a lot to me when you told me how Sorry you were for being a heavy disciplinary mom, and that YOU learned how from YOUR father, how he physically disciplined you and your siblings in the same way. I also know you understood that I didn’t hold any of that against you, or my father. Also knowing years later, what I KNOW NOW about my Mental and Emotional illness’ of un-diagnosed Bi-Polar ll, Depression and Panic with Agoraphobia, I’m sure I was TRULY your *LITTLE MONSTER CHILD* you used to call me.
Not knowing about all that, and how the times were very different back in the 1960’s & 1970’s, you didn’t KNOW what WE now know TODAY about these disorders, but it made me feel loved to know you were sorry for what also happened to me as a LITTLE GIRL. YOU know it was not your fault, Nor was it mine, these things of abuse by a family friend happened to many, and I BELIEVED YOU when you said, that if you knew it was happening, you would have stopped and protected me from this,…….I’m sure I was not an easy child to manage which you said had continued into my teen and adulthood. I’m sorry for all I put you & dad through.
I also felt after we talked through the situation around Robert, and Cecil, that I KNOW you would have done things differently, and that you understood how all your children ended up having different problems in our own lives because of all the habits & behaviors of not being HONEST with others, and each other.
BUT AS WE SETTLED YOU & I…..THAT is, AND was the PAST……
I will always hold in my HEART and in my Memories all the fun times we had as a Family!!
YOU also made me laugh at the stories you shared with me of You, and my Aunts of the fun times, and of the Wee Bit of trouble you girls got into!!! I will also treasure the thoughts you shared with me of how you and dad met, the memories of living a Military Life, loving dad for who he was and what he stood for. Talks of YOUR feelings of Life in General. Those are the FEELINGS that made ME feel SO connected to you as a Mother.
The GOOD times we had in So. California, especially when we first moved there. We talked of the Water Fights we all had when You & Dad lay in the summer sun, buckets of water being thrown, and running around the outside of the house to catch and soak one of us with a pail of water!!
All the camping trips we took, the SUNDAY FAMILY DAY for a Drive to Solvang, Santa Barbara, or LA to visit Aunt Joan for the day, or a trip to Aunt Anna’s for the day to Palm Springs, swimming, playing, eating, and Playing cards till late!! Man, those were the GOOD DAYS…….
I still remember the first time we rolled into TOWN in Palm Springs, you yelling out the car window, saying funny jokes about the men walking on Palm Canyon Drive with their Shorts, WHITE SOCKS and Sandals or Black dress shoes!! NOW THAT WAS FUNNY!!
All the first few Christmas’s we had at Aunt Anna’s, You all cooking an Italian feast for us, The little Mariachi players Uncle Frank had at the house in Palm Springs, and all my cousins where all there. So much Fun. You and I even talked about the earliest Wedding I remember being at as a little girl was one of Aunt Rose’s kids got married and what Beautiful wedding it was.
We then shared and remembered all of your children growing up and with Rose first marring Mike, one by one your own family had Conformations, Communions, High School Graduations, Weddings, and So Much More life experiences…….
Then Rose giving your 3 Beautiful grandson’s, and Robert with One. AND I can tell you if you were still here with us how PROUD you’d be of all 4 of your Grandsons, with Mark making you a Great Grandmother, NOW, with TWINS coming, HOW I wish you could be here to EXPERIENCE this NEW JOY COMING SOON!! I will Kiss, Hug, and Pinch their cheeks FOR YOU MOM when they GET HERE!!…..Oh with tears in my eyes, what joy this will be!!
MOM, as far as all Negative that has happened to ME, Rose, Rob, well….that is PAST, and you already have seen from HEAVEN HOW that has ALL PLAYED OUT……SO, will leave it there……
I know you know how hard I’ve worked to get MY life back, can’t Speak for my siblings, but I know you would have said to me, “HOW Proud you are that I got back on the RIGHT Track in Life……
Maybe if you had been here still, it could have been different, but YOU of all MOM’S would know that Life is not easy, How Family Secrets can destroy a family, and I know you are up there seeing all the Discord & Broken apart your own Family is right now. I’m sure YOUR HEART hurts of all this. I can say for myself, and for Tom, we do miss our family greatly, but in turn, we have accepted their wish and have moved on in our Lives together.
It is SAD when a Family looks from the outside that all is well, but many are not fooled by outward appearances that can sneak out. Doesn’t really matter to me mom, WE HAVE all the Good times and wonderful memories we SHARED as a FAMILY, even if we are all not Together!
THE BEST MOMENTS for Tom & I are the one’s we shared HERE with us in So. Oregon!!
The very last summer you were here, August, 2002 was rocky AND FABULOUS! We went to Wildlife Images, had fun watching the Boat Races on the Rogue River, other times when the family came to visit us, we had lots of FUN at our County Fair!
The most *SPECIAL* was the trip you came up and we all went to the Roseburg Fair and seen *WILLIE NELSON* and Lil and here family met us there, and he PLAYED FOR OVER 2 HOURS!! THEN, of course our FAMILY TRADITION of getting *Umpqua Ice Cream* for the drive home to our house.
The nephews swimming in the pool, the BBQ CHICKEN dinner DAD & TOM almost caught our HOUSE ON FIRE!!..LOL..LOL….THOSE are the Moments I and Tom will cherish forever.
And yes, your Son-in law still miss’s YOU very much!! The Heart of GOLD you had when it came to TOM. You ALWAYS BUYING him MORE than he needed, but he Loved you for it, as he understood your *LOVE LANGUAGE* better than I. YOU were always RIGHT that I was BLESSED when Tom came into my LIFE……and I still am. I know you have seen all we have been through these last 24 years together, but we weathered the STORMS, and we are still together. THAT is ONE thing that was a CONSTANT in your Marriage to DAD that gives me the Example to follow…….
HAS IT BEEN ROCKY??? Of course, ARE THINGS PERFECT?…..NO, but we have each other, and we do the BEST we can each day just like you and DAD did!!
WERE ALL Your, and Dad’s CHOICE’s THE BEST???…..No, Maybe not, but that is what is called “LIFE EXPERIENCE”…….Like you once told me, LIFE does not come with a *RULE* book of how to live your life, or how to RAISE your Kids, WE do the BEST we CAN…….
I know you already know, what I’ve been through personally since your passing mom, another stay in a Crisis Center, my failed attempts to leave this world, my addiction, my legal troubles, and now my Years of Recovery,……..I know that tiny little light that shines in the Brightest Star at night that I see is YOU!…….You SHINING BRIGHT and telling me that all will be well, and TAKE the guide of THE LORD, then all will be OK………
SO, MOM……Your *Little Monster* still loves you MORE TODAY then when you were still here, and I wish that could be different, but it is what it is, and we BOTH ARE BLESSED for the time we got to Talk things through, and make PEACE before you left us, that TOO is what brings ME Comfort each day……..To know your not in pain any longer, and you are home with the LORD.
I’ll always Love You Much,
Your Daughter, Catherine Townsend-Lyon xxxooo…..DEAR MOM, I Miss You…….