“So it’s been sometime that I have blogged on a more personal level, and holy crap I have much to share. I keep having “Gambling Dreams”?
I’m not sure that many of you know that I had celebrated my 7th year in “Recovery” from addicted compulsive gambling last month on Jan 29th, 2014.
I was having a talk with my hubby that I was feeling a little strange. Not like “triggers & Uuges” strange, well maybe. What I told him was, “after having 7 years away from the “Bet” (gambling), I was wondering if I would happen to get “The Seven Year Itch”?….
Now I think we all know where this “slogan” comes from right? For those who are NOT married, or in a long-term relationship, we say, “if your relationship can pass the “7 Year” mark, then the rest of eternity together will be a “Breeze” and you’ll stay together once you pass that 7 year hurdle! Well, with my recovery, instead of worrying about the 7 year itch, I have had “Gambling Dreams” instead!! And they are very disturbing. So I wondered why after all this time would I have gambling dreams? It’s not like I obsess over gambling anymore. And they are feel SO REAL….
So I thought I’d do a little research on some of my gambling support websites to find out WHY and HOW this happens. Am I subconsciously thinking of gambling in my head? I know I suffer mental disorders, but now after the second night in a row of gambling dreams has really got me bugging! I have heard people in my gamblers anonymous meeting talk about having gambling dreams, but I thought it was because they were just starting out in recovery, and in treatment we were taught that when you go through “detox & “grieving” period in recovery, it maybe common to have dreams. But not when you have years of recovery.
It’s not that I’m a “must need to know” kind of person either, it bothers in a way that I know how baffling and cunning this disease is. It will lie in wait for a long time, and then out of no where rear its ugly head!
A few of my relapses happened that way. You get 3, 6, 8 months in, then BANG!, your back at out gambling all over again! So again I did search about recovering gamblers having gambling dreams, and guess what? I couldn’t find anything as to why this happens. The closet I got was from a site for women gamblers, and really didn’t mention about gambling dreams at all…
“Women and Problem Gambling
With increased acceptance of gambling, and easy
access to it, women have been swept into the gambling
current. For some, the high of the action, or the escape of
gambling, becomes addictive. Ultimately it can threaten
relationships, disrupt work, damage values, create
financial and legal problems and impact on moods.
Problem gambling can affect any woman. It affects as
many women as men. Sometimes it is related to other
life issues such as troubled relationships, a history of
trauma, abuse, loss, mental health concerns or addiction
to drugs or alcohol.
Problem gambling tends to be invisible. A woman
struggling with urges to gamble, and the pain of losing
control, may be secretive – silenced by shame, guilt and
fear. She may feel isolated and overwhelmed by mounting
financial, spiritual and emotional losses. She often lacks
the support to make changes. Family and friends may
be judgmental or rejecting”……
Some Problem Gambling Warning Signs
• gamble more often, or with more money, than you intend?
• chase losses?
• neglect family, friends, self or work in order to gamble?
• gamble to escape worries or troubles?
• constantly think of gambling?
• hope for a “big win” to resolve financial or other problems?
• borrow money or juggle funds to gamble or pay debts?
• have conflicts with others over money or gambling?
• have mood swings because of your gambling, or experience anger, depression, suicidal thoughts or anxiety?
• continue to gamble despite negative consequences and efforts at control?
Than you maybe a “Problem Gambler”…
And that’s about all I could find. So I suppose I’ll have to dig a little farther and maybe go to more toward the “PSYCHOLOGY” route. But for now, I guess I]ll just keep wondering why I have had these dreams. One was an awful reminder of how far I went with the stupid things I did WHEN I gambled.
And actually, it’s quite embarrassing to share, but it shows how cunning and devious this addiction is. When I used to go the “Indian Casino” to gamble, I’d first go into to the restroom before I started gambling and put on a woman’s Depends diaper panty, so if I WAS WINNING on a slot machine and had to go to the bathroom to tinkle, I used the depends so I wouldn’t have to leave my machine!!! WTF?! Is that not sick or what? But, yes, my addiction was so over the top and out of control, I still can’t believe I did even a quarter of the things I did within my addiction!! That truly is how “SICK” it got, and how sick I WAS….
So if any of you who are in recovery, and you know WHY we have these Wacked Dreams, can please let me in on the secret? Leave a comment and your thoughts about this subject. Because it really is driving me Crazy!
I can say my life today is SO much better than where I was over 7 years ago!
GOD BLESS ALL,
Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon